Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
