I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Im part way to drunk.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
