Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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