Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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