i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize