Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want to be your penis for a week.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
