OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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