This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize