The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
