I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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