Swine flu. Run for my life!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize