Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
