i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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