just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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