I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
