I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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