this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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