I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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