so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
In America we eat man semen.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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