I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
