i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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