he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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