My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
