Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
