I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
