what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
