You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
