Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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