Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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