So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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