Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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