nut hugger
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
