Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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