Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
