I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
