Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
