I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
