the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
