her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
