What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
