At least make sure they are 18
Why
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
