I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
