KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
