someone threw a dead crab at me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize