apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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