all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
