I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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