a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
did you just send me my own nude
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
