May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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