my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize