My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
