You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
