some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
