i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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