Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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