I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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