I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize