4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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