I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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