I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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