I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
