Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
