we made out on top of his cat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
