I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
