My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
