you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
