Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize