that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
