So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
