i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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