Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
