id be glad to
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am midnight drunk by noon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
